There are times when I still question myself.
I begin to wonder if this right here is where I should be.
I ask myself if the job is what I want.
I question if I have spent way too long in this town.
My mind begins to wonder if there is yet another challenge out there.
My inner self tells me to take my story to the next chapter…somewhere else.
Yes… there are times and moments when I start to feel as if there is yet another challenge out there.
For some reason…now unlike then…before I can even begin to think of such a thing…
I find myself wanting to celebrate.
Yes… for what it’s worth I have finally began to celebrate the success in my life.
I still think hard…and reflect even harder..but there is something about getting older.
Wisdom arrives. With wisdom comes peace. With peace comes the understanding that life is too short to be mad..
to hold grudges against others as well as myself.
Wisdom gives me the chance to do something I have wanted to do for such a long time…
and that is to…celebrate.
If you know me well, you know that I have a lot to celebrate.
I celebrate those who helped me get to this point.
I remember the friends who gave me great incite, who challenged me to to think outside the box
and yet they are no longer a part of my life.
Maybe it’s because we grew up at different stages of our lives.
Maybe it’s because we live in different countries.
Maybe it’s because people truly do come into our lives for a reason, season, or a lifetime.
For whatever it’s worth, I speak their names.
I celebrate the stressful times especially the times when I thought life was a struggle.
I remember the late night walks around the Quad at LSU.
talking to myself…trying to convince myself that where I was is exactly where I should be.
When I moved on from Louisiana the late night walks did not stop.
Instead of myself, people replaced me… not in that sense.
I found myself opening up to people about who I was and who I was afraid of becoming.
I found myself finally letting go.
Til this day, I can’t remember the day I realized that I could not do it all alone
but right here and right now… I say to myself… Thank you. Thank you for finally letting go.
I celebrate the moment when I finally began to understand my purpose in life.
I am here to help people.
I have yet to figure out what that means but I know it means a great deal.
I want people to see their true worth.
I want people to celebrate themselves.
I want people to wake up smiling and go to bed happy.
I want people to realize the beauty of their dreams.
And yet…
I am also here to help myself.
I want to..no I have to continue to grow as a human being who matters.
I want to see myself as a person capable of change.
I am here to know..to learn… and to grow.
If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
(If I Die Young: The Band Perry)