I remember me.
Years ago.
I remember the lifetime of dreams.
I remember the moments of self reflection.
I remember the memories of what had been done.
Memories of what was to come…
and memories… memories of what to hope for.
I remember me.
Two years ago… I found myself starting over from scratch
analyzing my current friendships and wondering what was to come.
There were days when I was hopeful… excited about change.
There were days when I just wanted to stay in bed… fearful.
Afraid to acknowledge myself as a human being who mattered.
I remember me.
Seven years ago… I found myself on a journey in the Pacific Northwest without a path.
I remember thinking too much, wanting to fast forward to the future… a future I knew nothing about.
A future that I was simply not ready for.
I remember me.
I remember being this naive nineteen year old…
Troubled and sad…
Borderline depressed and yet still trying to find a way to change the world
as well as myself along the way.
I worried so much back then and yet… I still do now.
I remember me.
I remember my family and loved ones.
I try to block out the horrible moments
I try to forget the ways as to why I completely ignore one side of my family…
And yet I still remember myself as a child completely helpless and abused
with those same people choosing to turn the other cheek.
God knows that I want to forgive them
but for some reason the eight year old in me holds on to so much
that he simply cannot forgive without forgetting.
He knows now what he knew then.
None of it was his fault.
Over the years he has found a way to forgive himself while still
searching for ways to forgive others…
I remember me.
I remember every huge step I made.
I remember every big life decision I made on my own.
I remember every single fear and anxiety that almost consumed me.
I remember knowing that at the end of the day, I would always and forever
have to fall back on myself. It was not my fault. Just my destiny.
I remember me.
I remember seeing others doing things for themselves.
The same things that I could not and would not do for myself.
I remember me. I remember me now.
I am back at the crossroads of life.
I can forgive and forget.
I can learn to let go and live.
I can say what I mean and just walk away.
After every moment in life
we will forever and always remember the great things in life.
the moments we cherish so much that we do not want them to end.
At the end of the day…
when it is all said and done
when I have fought the good fight
when I have said all that I could say
when I have felt all that I could feel
when I have preached all that I could preach
when my story has finally been told
I will remember me.
But I remember me, I remember me
It don’t matter where I go, what I’m told, now you know
I remember me, I remember me
Even if I say goodbye, start to cry, do or die
I remember me
(Jennifer Hudson-I Remember Me)
